April 12, 2010
The Mindful Family: Mindful Relationships
By Charlton Hall, MMFT, LMFT-I
Think for a moment about your past romantic relationships. Were they successful? Did they live up to your expectations? Do you notice any patterns that seemed to repeat from relationship to relationship?
As you grow in your practice of Mindfulness, you become more self-aware. This self-awareness can help you to examine your former patterns of interaction with romantic partners, and with other family, friends, and loved ones. A key idea of Mindfulness is that you cannot change others; you can only change yourself. That knowledge alone can be liberating when it comes to relationships. Resolve right now that you will focus only on the things you have control over when approaching new relationships, or when working on improving existing ones.
Ponder this phrase for a moment:
"I truly love myself."
What sort of feelings did that sentence generate? What sort of thoughts? Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that loving ourselves is somehow selfish or egotistical. But let's think about that for a moment. If you don't love yourself, is it really fair of you to expect anybody else to love you? Not only that, but if you don't love yourself, and you're in a relationship with someone who loves you, eventually you might find yourself thinking along these lines, either consciously or unconsciously:
"I don't really love myself, yet this person loves me. If I don't love myself, yet this person says they love me, then there must be something wrong with him/her! How could a 'normal' person love someone like me, when I can't even love me?"
Of course, the above paragraph is exaggerated just a bit, but there is some truth to it from time to time. If you don't really love yourself, then you can't really show others how to love you in the way you'd like to be loved.
Think about your True Self for a moment. Remember that your True Self is the person you'd like to be if you are living up to your own higher expectations for yourself. Take off all the masks you present to the rest of the world, and ask yourself, "Who am I, really?" Be as honest as possible when answering this question.
The purpose of this exercise is to discover your personal truths. Personal truths are the unwritten rules we have chosen to live our lives by. Some examples of personal truths would be:
"I am a creative person"
"I care about those around me"
"My relationships end in disaster"
Think about your own personal truths for a while. It may help to write them down. What are some of the personal truths by which you live your life? In what positive ways have your personal truths helped you to live the life you want to live? In what ways have your own personal truths hindered you from living up to your own potential? From living the life you would like to lead? Next week, we'll discuss how to examine your personal truths in order to more closely live the life you wish to live.
Charlton Hall is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Intern and the Director of the Mindful Ecotherapy Organization (www.mindfulecotherapy.org). You may contact him at: chuck@mindfulecotherapy.org.
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The Mindful Family: Mindful Relationships
By Charlton Hall, MMFT, LMFT-I
Think for a moment about your past romantic relationships. Were they successful? Did they live up to your expectations? Do you notice any patterns that seemed to repeat from relationship to relationship?
As you grow in your practice of Mindfulness, you become more self-aware. This self-awareness can help you to examine your former patterns of interaction with romantic partners, and with other family, friends, and loved ones. A key idea of Mindfulness is that you cannot change others; you can only change yourself. That knowledge alone can be liberating when it comes to relationships. Resolve right now that you will focus only on the things you have control over when approaching new relationships, or when working on improving existing ones.
Ponder this phrase for a moment:
What sort of feelings did that sentence generate? What sort of thoughts? Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that loving ourselves is somehow selfish or egotistical. But let's think about that for a moment. If you don't love yourself, is it really fair of you to expect anybody else to love you? Not only that, but if you don't love yourself, and you're in a relationship with someone who loves you, eventually you might find yourself thinking along these lines, either consciously or unconsciously:
"I don't really love myself, yet this person loves me. If I don't love myself, yet this person says they love me, then there must be something wrong with him/her! How could a 'normal' person love someone like me, when I can't even love me?"
Of course, the above paragraph is exaggerated just a bit, but there is some truth to it from time to time. If you don't really love yourself, then you can't really show others how to love you in the way you'd like to be loved.
Think about your True Self for a moment. Remember that your True Self is the person you'd like to be if you are living up to your own higher expectations for yourself. Take off all the masks you present to the rest of the world, and ask yourself, "Who am I, really?" Be as honest as possible when answering this question.
The purpose of this exercise is to discover your personal truths. Personal truths are the unwritten rules we have chosen to live our lives by. Some examples of personal truths would be:
"I am a creative person"
"I care about those around me"
"My relationships end in disaster"
Think about your own personal truths for a while. It may help to write them down. What are some of the personal truths by which you live your life? In what positive ways have your personal truths helped you to live the life you want to live? In what ways have your own personal truths hindered you from living up to your own potential? From living the life you would like to lead? Next week, we'll discuss how to examine your personal truths in order to more closely live the life you wish to live.
Charlton Hall is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Intern and the Director of the Mindful Ecotherapy Organization (www.mindfulecotherapy.org). You may contact him at: chuck@mindfulecotherapy.org.
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